So festival season is among us. The Canadian portion is creeping up fast (TIFF, VIFF, CIFF, Atlantic, etc). Everything takes place during the Fall, one right after the other. Having submitted to as many of the Canadian festivals as I could, I now wait in anticipation for the answers. These answers should be coming within the next few weeks, but it still doesn’t seem fast enough. Never felt so anxious in my life. Been noticing more headaches then usual. Usually a sign of stress. I’ve been trying to think back to how I felt when I started to submit Animal Control to places and it was nothing like this. With Animal Control I had no expectations. Everything was new. I think I even assumed, subconsciously, that it wouldn’t play anywhere. Thankfully, I was proven wrong.
Now, 2 years later, I find myself in the same situation. Having been accepted and rejected by lots of film festivals, I’ve always said “you can’t take rejection personally. You have no idea what the festival programmers are looking for.” Although I still believe this I will be devastated if Rainbow Connection went no where. You’re always trying to mature, out do your previous project, push yourself just a little further. I personally feel I’ve done this but whether that translates to others is another story. I’ve been running the pros and cons over and over in my head for the last week. I think about certain scenes in the film and say “This movie’s awesome. How could a festival possibly turn it down.” Then I try to compare it Animal Control and it’s like night and day. Animal Control looked slick, had a hook, very little dialogue, and a tender side to it. Rainbow Connection not so much. And although there’s something to be admired about not doing the same thing over and over, there’s less certainty. What if you stray too far from what made your previous film work?
Then I start to think about myself and less of my work. What if I fucked up too many times a long the way? I know I could have taken better advantage of the opportunities presented to me during Animal Control’s festival run. I could have talked to more people, befriended more filmmakers, said less stupid shit. Will I get a second chance? Some people don’t even get a first chance. Saying I’m shy is what I usually hide behind. It’s also something I’m working on. Schmoozing is something that I’m terrible not. Send James Vandewater in.
If you asked me a month ago whether I thought Rainbow Connection would be playing the festival circuit I would have said “yes, without a doubt.” I’m trying to keep up that positive thinking but as each day rolls by I become a little less sure. During times like these some people turn to doing drugs in the washroom stall of Sneaky Dees. I’m gonna try something else. Over the last few days some people have been throwing around the idea of The Power Of Thought. Here’s a brief definition I found…
The power of our thoughts and feelings allows us to manifest our desires. The challenge is in harnessing our ever shifting perspectives so that we can focus upon the thoughts that can make a positive difference.
We’ll see if it works. If not, you’ll be able to find me at Sneaky Dees.